Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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