At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
