Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
