I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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