tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
