You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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