i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
