Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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