I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
