There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
