Sponge bath it is.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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