You're so nebulous sometimes
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
