you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
