You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
