I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
