Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
