I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
