I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize