so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
its liver damage thursday
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
