Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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