i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
