distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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