My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
