I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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