My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
