Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
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I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
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I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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