im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
