Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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