summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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