I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
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I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
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These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.