so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
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apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
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I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife