did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue