Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers