Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.

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(330): Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy. http://tfl.nu/mi86

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(210): View more from Texas

she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?

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(210): she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know? http://tfl.nu/j2zq

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(205): View more from Alabama

The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.

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(205): The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with. http://tfl.nu/ihrj

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(410): View more from Maryland

He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.

(1-410): View more from Maryland

True romance of the 21st century.

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(410): He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too. (1-410): True romance of the 21st century. http://tfl.nu/laza

Replies (62) Good night (13046) Bad night (1092)
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(404): View more from Georgia

you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.

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(404): you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are. http://tfl.nu/yq64

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.

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(919): I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could. http://tfl.nu/sgrh

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(303): View more from Colorado

Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.

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(303): Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs. http://tfl.nu/ukka

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(312): View more from Illinois

I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista

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(312): I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista http://tfl.nu/d26q

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(518): View more from New York

Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis

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(518): Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis http://tfl.nu/kplw

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.

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(724): It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me. http://tfl.nu/9spl

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(661): View more from California

It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring

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(661): It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring http://tfl.nu/4h9t

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.

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(978): I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters. http://tfl.nu/m77a

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(607): View more from New York

Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.

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(607): Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair. http://tfl.nu/k6ce

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(817): View more from Texas

I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.

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(817): I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE. http://tfl.nu/yalr

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(801): View more from Utah

Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible

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(801): Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible http://tfl.nu/ks54

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