My nipple is on Facebook.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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