dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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