how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
