i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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