It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
