The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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