I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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