don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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