paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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