Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
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what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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