Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he was CRYING into my vagina
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
