The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize