Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize