Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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