I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize