and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
