I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize