so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
