if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
