You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
