there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
How external is "for external use only"?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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