Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
