Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
